


Isotopes

by Fanfic_or_bust



Category: Big Brother RPF, Zankie Fandom
Genre: Fighting, First Time, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Making Up, leading up to jankuary 16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-19
Updated: 2015-01-19
Packaged: 2018-03-08 06:47:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3199469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanfic_or_bust/pseuds/Fanfic_or_bust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One shot head canon on how we ended up at January 16th when Zach surprised Frankie after ROA. We know things had been rough and suddenly Zach comes out with that isotope tweet and then everything changed. What changed?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Isotopes

**Author's Note:**

> I hope this comes as a nice companion to January 16th and everything that happened!
> 
> Shout out as always now to Jen for prompting this one shot and encouraging me :)

“Fuck you, Zach.”

“Fuck me? Fuck YOU, Frankie! How can you even talk to me like that? I thought you loved me!” Zach shouted into his phone, trying his best not to cry. Failing. But Frankie wasn’t here, he didn’t have to know. He breathed heavily, trying to control his voice.

“I do fucking love you! Why don’t you love me? If you loved me this wouldn’t be a problem, Zach. Never? How can you say never?” Frankie’s voice cracked a little on his last word, and Zach felt a pang in his heart but he pressed on.

“Because I don’t think I can do it! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do it! Fuck Frankie, don’t you think I wish I could? Would you force someone with a fear of heights out of a plane?”

“Shut up. This isn’t the same thing.”

“It is! It’s like a phobia. I can’t. I thought for a while maybe I could work my way up to it, but I can’t. It might take months or maybe never and I’m sorry! I’m so. Fucking. Sorry.” Zach’s voice was broken now too. Hoarse with emotion and from raising it at Frankie.

“You led me on. For months! Why did you do that to me, Zach?”

“I never led you on. I’m not! Frankie can’t you please just hear me? I love you. I’m in love with you! But I don’t know if I can be everything you need me to be!”

“But it doesn’t make sense, Zach! How can that be the only thing holding you back? How can you be in love with me, but not sexually?”

“I AM in love with you sexually, are you not even listening? Why can’t you just be ok with blowjobs? I’m getting better. Please, Frankie. Don’t do this.”

“This is all so confusing. YOU are so confusing, I just don’t know if I can do this anymore, Zach. Just a couple days ago with Lance it seemed like we’d come so far. I thought this was really happening.”

“It is really happening, if you give me more time.”

“But you said maybe never.”

“Why is this so important to you, Frankie!?” Zach shouted into the phone, but he was met with silence. After a few seconds he was getting ready to break the silence when Frankie finally spoke.

“Because it is. Go ahead and hate me, Zach. I’m sorry. But I can’t be with someone who doesn’t want… all of me.” Zach recoiled at the words. There was something in Frankie’s voice. Something final. He had made up his mind. He was done waiting. Zach felt despair wash over him in a wave. On the other side of the phone, Frankie felt the same. Zach didn’t want him. He didn’t want all of him. How could they possibly be together?

“What are you saying?” Zach asked quietly, willing himself not to sniff. He suddenly wanted to take all these emotions, all these bullshit emotions that had led him down this awful, painful path, and dash them against the wall.

“I’m saying I think we should both move on.”

Zach swallowed before speaking. “You said you’d wait for me. As long as it took.”

“You never told me it might be never.” Frankie said, and the heartbreak was evident in his voice. But Zach didn’t care. It wasn’t fair that Frankie was allowed to be heartbroken when it was HIM leaving. HE was giving up. Zach wondered if he’d ever loved him like he’d said he had.

“So it’s over.”

“I just think we both need a break from this. Don’t you? I feel like I’m going crazy.”

“Don’t put this on me, Frankie. It’s you leaving, not me.”

“Fine I won’t leave you if you come here right now and fuck me. Or I’ll make it even easier, I’ll go down to Florida. Just say yes and we’ll forget about it.”

“Frankie… you know I can’t…” Zach whispered, wishing he was lying. Why the fuck couldn’t he get over it? He heard Frankie expel a breath, maybe a soft sob, and he winced at the sound.

“Goodbye, Zach.” And the call was gone.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Zach was out of control, and he knew it. He was losing a ton of followers. He didn’t care. He became Zachattack, 24/7. He was a charicature of himself. His parents were sick of him, even Peyton got exhausted. He partied with his bros. He swiped incessantly through tindr pics, choosing only the total smokebombs because he knew they’d pick him back. Because of course they would. He was famous and they were some tindr girl, looking to hook up. He didn’t think much of them.

Basically, Zach made being a straight dude his job. He put on the uniform every day and he lived it, trying desperately to make it true. He even tried drunkenly hooking up with a girl while clubbing with Eric and Logan, but it never went very well. The irony wasn’t lost on him, that he had turned away from Frankie because he couldn’t bring himself to have sex with a man but now he seemed to have lost his ability to have sex with women too.

He started doing ZRL weekly. He was getting some great feedback, but a lot of angry feedback. A lot of people that were as exhausted with character he was putting on as his parents were. But no one was more sick of it than Frankie. Zach did his best to keep him out of mind, but his fans wouldn’t let him. They were freaking out. They knew things weren’t good. People asked him questions constantly, sent him pictures. Zach pretended it was no big deal. He was over it.

You know what helped? Weed. Lots of weed. Zach lost himself in a cloud of smoke because the numbness was a gift from God. It was exactly what he needed. When he wasn’t high, the pain sometimes threatened to choke him out. The circular thoughts. He wanted Frankie. He loved Frankie. Maybe Frankie wasn’t wrong. Maybe Zach could have sex with him.

Then he would freak out, as usual, the thought giving him an anxiety attack. No. He can’t. He wanted to but he’d never be able to without having a panic attack. How could Frankie not be patient and kind with that? That would be where his thoughts turned dark again. How could Frankie not understand? Why did he always have to push for more? Zach was clearly straight. If he couldn’t see himself having sex with a man, that clearly meant he was straight. That was the definition of straight.

He was straight. Everyone just had to fucking deal with that. Even Zach had to deal with it.

* * * *` * * * * * * * *

“Was it ever love?” Zach texted Frankie. He was baked. He’d been smoking all day and life was feeling a bit like a dream. He wasn’t really sure he was awake right now. Frankie didn’t respond. Of course he didn’t. He hadn’t for days. But he did tweet, just a minute later.

\---There is no true love without truth @FrankieJGrande

 

Zach rolled back over, ignoring the pain in his heart and looking to see where he had left his bong.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Days had passed. Hurt had turned to bitterness and back again. Zach had a ZRL planned for tonight and Frankie wished desperately that he would stop it with this shit. The blogging was a great idea, but just… not now. Not when everything was still so fresh. Not while he was still such a mess.

As much as Frankie was angry with Zach, he still loved him desperately. That was why he needed this time apart from him. To get over him. Because whatever they were, it was not healthy. Not if Zach couldn’t at least give Frankie a little bit of hope for a happy future. But Frankie was too old for this shit. He had been through too much. He had accomplished so much in the past year, and somehow it had happened after he had turned 30 which he’d never understand because he had been so sure his life was going to end that year. He couldn’t throw it all away because he decided to lose his sanity over a frat boy from Florida.

Frankie let the live show stream while his friends and he settled in to watch the Victoria Secret fashion show. He tried to be present and happy, but his friends knew his headspace right now and thankfully they didn’t ask any questions because he didn’t feel the need to explain to them and he didn’t want to be a bitch to his friends.

He didn’t get it. He had everything he wanted right now. He had been on tv. Ariana was everything Frankie had ever dreamed for her and more. He was getting ready to see her on tv RIGHT NOW. He was on broadway. The future was bright and sparkly with glitter. But for some reason he wasn’t happy. Some reason named Zach.

His eyes kept returning to his face. He was acting ludicrously. He kept taking off his shirt, and changing wardrobes, and yelling at the camera and giving lectures. He was acting out and Frankie was a little sick of it but he knew this was just a defense mechanism. This wasn’t the real Zach. This was what he did when he thought he had to. He was lost right now, but Frankie couldn’t be his fucking shepherd, to guide him through the nighttime. He’d done that. He could do that. But only so long as he knew the dawn was coming. To endlessly wander in the darkness, never knowing if he’d see the sun again? That sounded like torture that Frankie didn’t think he could endure. Not again.

“Have I ever been in love? I – I thought I was… but I’m not.” Frankie’s eyes shot to the computer screen. Those words hit like daggers. He was trying to be happy about Ari. He was trying to celebrate for his fucking sister, and this asshole had to come and make him want to spill his tears all over again. Frankie had felt for a while that Zach wanted him back, but he was obviously was done trying. Yeah, well Zach, two could play at that game.

When Frankie’s phone rang, he didn’t even consider answering it. It felt like Zach was somehow mocking him. They hadn’t talked in days, why would he expect Frankie to answer on his fucking live show? Frankie fumed, and tried to force himself to watch the fashion show with his friends.

When his phone rang the second time, Frankie was pissed. He spent the remainder of the time counting down to when Zach’s live show would be over. As soon as he knew it was ending, he dialed Zach’s number. Trusting him not to answer live. Testing him.

Frankie watched as Zach got his call and shut down the feel, relaxing a little at this small sign that maybe things weren’t hopelessly lost. When Zach picked up, Frankie kept things very brief. “If you want to talk to me, you can talk to me, but don’t you fucking dare call me on your stupid live buffoonery vlog again. Got it?” He was pissed. He was met with a moment of silence before Zach responded.

“Can we talk now?” He asked, and his voice was different than it had been just a minute earlier on his livestream. Frankie huffed.

“No. You know I’m busy. I don’t know when.” And he hung up. Frankie was going to face this at some point, but he just couldn’t right now. He decided to tweet something sweet about Ari and turn back to his friends. He was just going to have to start trying to get over Zach and the only way was to move on. Frankie decided maybe it was time to start replying to these boys that kept texting him.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * 

It was mid December and things were chilly. Not in South Florida, of course, but Zach felt the chill all the way from New York. He was starting to go a little crazy. His anxiety was killing him. He couldn’t’ turn his brain off. He just kept going round and round. Wishing he could be different but knowing in his heart he was a big coward and he would never be able to do the thing that he needed to fix it.

Zach was starting to get desperate. He began concocting a plan to move to New York. He had this crazy idea that if he was just there, close to Frankie. If he could just see him. That things would be better. Maybe it would help Zach get over his fear, maybe it wouldn’t. But he knew he and Frankie were like magnets. If they were close enough to eachother, they couldn’t resist the pull.

Without consulting a single friend or parent or handler, Zach bought a ticket of January 15th. He thought that would be enough time to get ready. He hadn’t told Frankie about it, but he wanted to. It had been a long time since they’d last talked. It was killing Zach, the distance. It was like a light in his life had been extinguished and he was finding it hard to see his way through the dark now.

One night, without thinking, he dialed Frankie’s number. Not expecting him to pick up. Just wanting to hear his voice on his answering machine. He’d done it a few times already, hanging up just in time so he wouldn’t leave a message. But this time, for some reason, Frankie picked up.

“What’s up, Zach?” He asked, his voice resigned. Like he was expecting some sort of bullshit. But Zach was still too shocked that he had even spoken to answer, so he let the silence go on and he could practically hear Frankie’s eyes roll. “You called me for this?” He asked, his voice dripping in sarcasm.

“I wanted to hear your voice.” He said, and he couldn’t believe he’d said it. It was… too honest. Zach immediately regretted it. He could tell Frankie was surprised to hear it as well.

“We can’t keep doing this.”

“What if I want to?”

“Fine, you can’t keep doing this to me.” Frankie sighed, and Zach followed. His heart was suddenly heavy. He didn’t want Frankie to be hurting. He missed him. But he’d blown it, Frankie was moving on. Had moved on. One or the other. Neither were good for Zach, but if he couldn’t give Frankie what he needed, then maybe it was for the better.

Zach ignored the nagging voice that was getting a little louder as time went on. Telling him that maybe he could, after all. Maybe it was just some old stupid fear. He’d been afraid of jumping from the highboards as a kid, too. He remembered standing up there on the 10 meter, minutes had passed and the kids below had been heckling him and it was too much. Zach had turned around and climbed back to the ground in shame. He’d felt awful and cowardly then, just like now. But that story didn’t end there. Later that summer, after thinking about it every day, Zach had gone back to that fucking pool, and climbed that fucking diving board, and in the end, he had fucking jumped. He took the leap, and jumped. And he hadn’t died. He actually liked it. He went back to that board again and again and eventually was doing flips and everything. Could this be the same?

“Frankie, I don’t know what to do without you.”

“You seem to be doing alright without me.” Zach couldn’t help the face he pulled.

“I’m a mess! I’m not doing alright.” Zach didn’t mean to say these things but they were true and they poured out of him. Because he was talking to Frankie.

“I know, Rose. But what am I supposed to do?” Frankie said softly, not unkindly. Zach crumpled a bit. He didn’t know.

“Say you’ll try again. I’m moving to New York, Frankie. I’m doing it to be with you. I don’t think Sawagoo will do shit but I’m going for you and crossing my fingers on that, and if something happens then, great, I’m already there. But this is for you.”

“Zach, that’s… does that mean you changed your mind?” Zach could hear the hope in Frankie’s voice. He wanted to say yes. He wanted to so much. He was already doubting himself. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t commit, and then change his mind again. He couldn’t do that to Frankie. And he didn’t trust himself enough to not freak out again.

“Frankie, I still don’t know…” He heard the scoff on the other side of the phone and it was like daggers to his heart.

“Then nothing’s changed.”

“I’m trying. Everything will be easier when I’m in New York.”

“If you even come.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Zach had spent days and weeks tweeting only about his upcoming single, Sawagoo. He actually thought the song was pretty good, he didn’t suck, which he had been really worried about. But he knew it was… problematic. He knew the fans would freak out a little. He knew Frankie would freak out a little. But it was all for publicity. Doing outrageous things for publicity was a time honoured tradition in America. The only reason there WAS a Kardashians was because Kim put out a fucking sex tape. Zach wasn’t about to apologize about the controversy.

Besides, hetero WAS his M.O., he wasn’t lying. Unless you counted making out with guys, and blowjobs. But in Zach’s mind, sexuality was 100% based off of what your dick penetrates. And not only had he never put his dick in an asshole no one had put one in his. He was straight.

In the days coming up to the release, Zach felt himself actually become distracted enough with the impending drop that he had stopped thinking about Frankie every minute of the day. Wondering what he was doing. If he was hooking up with dudes who could give him what Zach wished he could.

Zach tweeted and retweeted exclusively based on Sawagoo interest. He knew he was getting boring but he was distracted and that was all that mattered. He had noticed, though, that he was getting a pretty small pool of regulars and so many of his old fans were getting sick of his bullshit. He got it. But he needed them, especially when his release was coming up.

Besides, he didn’t want to lose his Zankie fans. He loved them. He didn’t want them to give up on them, because when they gave up, then it really was over. Zach didn’t want to admit it, but he knew he was blowing it big time. He just wanted to hold on to a little bit of what he had, for a little while longer at least. He didn’t know what he was doing, when he started liking zankie tweets. But they just kept coming. He was liking and retweeting zankieAF tweets and the fandom was stirred up like a hornets nest.

He was starting to have fun with how excited they were when his phone rang. He stared dumbfoundedly at the picture of Frankie before fumbling and accepting the call. “Frankie?” He asked, not believing it.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Zach?”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about, Frankie.”

“Suddenly you’re zankie as fuck two days before your single leaks?”

“Oh, that…”

“Yeah, that, Zach. What the fuck. You can’t just use our fans like that.”

“I’m not using them!”

“So what are you doing?”

“I just liked those tweets! What am I not allowed to like tweets now?”

“Don’t play dumb with me. You were trying to win back the zankie fans right before your idiotic song drops.” Zach was getting ready to fight back, right up until he heard the word idiotic.

“Idiotic?” He said, his voice wounded.

“Hetero is my MO, if you think not you’re delirious? Are you serious, Zach?”

“You watched my ZRL?”

“Don’t avoid the question.”

“It’s just a song.”

“It’s a slap in my face, and it’s a slap in the face to everyone who thought we might be more than friends. They’re not fucking delirious, Zach. You didn’t look very hetero on your knees in front of me at Halloween!” Zach flushed at the memory. He had thought about it countless times. He knew Frankie was right, but he couldn’t admit it.

“It’s just a song…” Zach repeated in a defeated whisper. He knew he couldn’t win that argument. He definitely had not looked very hetero with Frankie’s dick in his mouth. And it wasn’t very hetero how much he had liked it. How much it had turned him on.

“Well, stop fucking with the Zankie tag, Zach. They’re on to you. They see through it. They know your song drops in two days. Saying you’re deliriousAF doesn’t fix it, and all it does is fucking CONFUSE me, Zach. Like, what do you even want?”

“I want you.”

“Do you want ALL of me?” Frankie challenged. Zach must have hesitated too long because Frankie continued. “Exactly. Exactly what I expected. Nothing. Now Zach, I’m going to see other people. I suggest you do the same. Please stop using me and our relationship to help your rap career.”

“I’m still coming to New York, Frankie.”

“We’ll see.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“He won’t come. He’s full of shit.”

“He might come. He stopped the zankie twitter spree the second you asked, and he hasn’t even promoted his song since you talked. Maybe he’s coming around.” Ariana said over a slightly rough skype connection.

“He always does this. He says things without thinking and he doesn’t follow up.”

“Maybe this is different.” She said hopefully. Frankie rolled his eyes.

“Ari, I can’t be that ‘maybe this one will be different’ guy. It’s too sad.”

“Ok, I’ll drop it. I just, I always got this weird vibe about you two. Like it was something special. Something rare.”

“I can’t go there. I can’t go with a closeted guy that might never make his way out. And I just don’t get why he can suck my dick but not fuck me? Like I’d bottom forever for him but he can’t even do that?”

“How does that make any sense?” Ari asked, not even phased by Frankie’s graphic language. One of the things he loved about his sister was that she was even more vulgar than he was. The THINGS he already knew about Big Sean would make a lesser person faint.

“I don’t know, I think it’s something in his head. He’s so confusing. But I can’t keep focusing on this. I spoke to Michael again the other day.” Ari made a face at this that Frankie pointedly ignored.

“Oh yeah?” She asked, clearly not liking it.

“He’s like the anti-Zach. All he does is kiss my ass and I’m kind of liking it. He says he might be coming to New York soon, then maybe he can do it for real.” Frankie tried his patented exaggerated smile and wink, but it felt disingenuous even to him. Ari grimaced.

“Use protection.” She said, and Frankie laughed.

“I just need someone that wants me, Ari, and Michael would love to be with me. He’d like the whole world to know, unlike some people.”

“That’s what I’m worried about, that he wants the whole world to know…” Ari said, clearly mistrusting Michael’s intentions.

“Since when did I have to feel guilty every time I want to tap some fine piece of ass?” Frankie said defensively, purposefully ignoring Ari’s words. He didn’t want to believe that about Michael.

“Since you fell in love and now it’s basically cheating?” Ari pouted. She literally pouted. Frankie scowled.

“It’s not cheating.” He said firmly.

“I know. It just feels… wrong.” She said sadly.

“Yeah, well, we both know I’d rather things be different but they’re not so time just shine the fuck brighter. Or keep faking until I make it.” Frankie said with more confidence than he felt.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Frankie had been flirting with men and it was driving Zach nuts. He was liking photos and word got through the grapevine (Caleb) that Frankie had been texting with Michael. The thought made Zach crazy. He was literally blinded with rage when he had first found out. His first thoughts went to revenge. How was he going to show Frankie that he was fine on his own? That this didn’t bother him? He thought about fucking girls and doing some morning after selfies but he knew that would be crossing the line. And he might inadvertently kill some zankie fans.

He had been amped up on hurt and fear and anger and jealousy for days. The emotions seemed to have left him with some sort of chemical imbalance in his head and he had been acting erratically. He’d been snapping at his parents and he knew they couldn’t wait for him to leave in two days. He was alternatively going out and partying hard with his bros, hitting on chicks in a really sloppy, sleazy way, and then disappearing in shame for days at a time, lost in a cloud of smoke. He was being self destructive and he knew it.

When he finished editing his second ZRnotL and he included the shot from his new video, he knew what he was doing. He was saying fuck you to everyone, including himself. Talk about self destructive. But he couldn’t help himself. He was in a downward spiral and he almost craved the negative attention. It made him feel better. It distracted him. From things like thoughts of Frankie and that douchebag Michael.

But it was ok, because he was going to New York in two days. He kept focusing on that. For some reason, despite the downward spiral, despite the manic depressive behaviour and feelings he was enduring, he had this crazy idea that it would end when he left Florida. He knew he was delusional. He’d only been telling people ever since Sawagoo dropped. He was bat shit crazy at this point. He needed to leave Florida. Everything would be better when he left Florida.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Frankie watched the video and calmly wiped a single tear away from his eye as he sat and blinked at the finished video. He didn’t know why he’d watched it. He had told himself not to. Warned himself. But he couldn’t help his curiosity. He had started to maybe believe the texts that Zach was sending him regularly now. Zach was sounding increasingly pathetic and desperate in some, but endearingly so, but then he would blow up out of nowhere and confuse Frankie all over again.

One time he had even texted him a pic of him grinding on some girl in the club. Frankie had freaked and sent back a pic of him getting an even deeper grind on some hunk on a Tuesday night. Things like this had been escalating, but despite the erratic nature of Zach’s behaviour, there was one thing that continued to be steady. He kept promising he was coming to New York, and he kept promising things would change.

Frankie was doubtful, because to all accounts, Zach seemed to have gone off the deep end. Frankie cried for him, often. For the loss of the sweet, loveable Zach that he knew was in there. He knew he had broken him. They had broken each other. Sometimes the hurt and the aching, sucking feeling of loss in his chest would make Frankie call Zach. Sometimes they had soft conversations and it was like time was frozen and things were forgotten.

But then someone would say the wrong thing. Something would happen, and the flames would rise and their back and forth would continue. Frankie was so exhausted from the back and forth, he didn’t know what to think. He had to move on, for his sanity and for Zach’s.

But still, something in his head wondered that if Zach really did come to New York… would things be different. He was thinking they would. Because they could see eachother. They’d feel that magical pull that was so strong and so real. Things would fix themselves. Frankie was beginning to swing back this way again when he had turned on the video. Things were going fine. He was watching without any major reaction, until the end. That girl. That naked girl. Sitting on his fucking back.

What. In. The. Actual. Fuck.

Frankie flipped. He and Zach screamed at eachother that night. “I’m going to FUCK Michael, and I’m going to think of you the WHOLE TIME!” Frankie had screamed through tears.

“I’m still fucking coming to New York! You can’t fucking stop me, Frankie!” Zach screamed back, either not hearing or ignoring the jibe about Michael.

“You can stop leading me on any time, now, too, you asshole.” Frankie sniffed, the wind suddenly out of his sails. This was so exhausting. How much longer could this go on for?

“I’m not leading you on. You know where I stand.”

“Then if where you stand hasn’t changed, I’m going to see Michael when he comes to New York on Thursday.

“I’m still coming.” Zach repeated firmly, sounding like he was speaking through clenched teeth.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The night was a disaster. Michael was nothing what Frankie thought he was. Frankie unsuccessfully tried to hold back tears as he almost ran back through the cold streets of New York, to hide in his apartment. Luckily he wasn’t far away. He just felt like such a fool.

Michael had been working Frankie, hard. For weeks now. Months. He’d been texting, working up his credibility. Making him think he cared. Making him think maybe he even loved Frankie. That was the fucked up part. Frankie didn’t love him back, but he had been swept up in the fact that maybe even though he didn’t feel the same way, some out, proud, good looking man might love him. He had lowered his walls, opened up about himself.

Michael had come to visit on the same day that Zach was coming. This wasn’t lost on Frankie, but he thought maybe it was a good thing. It would show the world that he wasn’t living his life around Zachary Rance’s schedule. It had been hurtful to Zach, Frankie knew, but Zach was suddenly acting like he knew things were about to change between them. He was practically biting his tongue off every time Frankie tried to goad him with Michael, Frankie knew it.

But Michael had been filling Frankie’s head with doubt, he didn’t know what to believe. He was so subtly and consistently taking jabs and asking questions that Frankie didn’t know what to do with this change in behaviour when it started to present itself from Zach. He even somehow managed to convince Frankie to see HIM instead of Zach on the day Zach moved to New York. Everyone knew Zach was moving for Frankie. Everyone. He knew it, Frankie knew it, Michael knew it. But somehow Frankie had been manipulated into seeing Michael instead of Zach.

He felt dirty and used and it was Big Brother all over again. How dare people play with his heart and emotions, manipulate him into doing and saying things that weren’t in his best interest? Michael had made this so much about Zach that Frankie hadn’t seen that he was just another user. A fame whore. He had wanted not just the exposure from his connection to Frankie, he wanted actual connections, too. When Frankie had refused to put him in touch with Scooter Braun, Michael had flipped.

The two had raged in the bar and Frankie had never been more happy to have a full drink in front of him when Michael called him a bitch and he threw it in his user face. Suddenly that face looked ugly to Frankie and he felt sick with himself. How had he let this happen?

“I have pictures, you fucking bitch. You want me to sell them to the fucking paparazzi?” Michael spat as he wiped his face clean. Frankie struggled but succeeded to keep his face composed as he gave Michael a death stare.

“Girl we both know you don’t have any pictures and even if you do, I would look tight as shit, have you seen my body? But go ahead, show me these pictures that totally exist.” He dripped attitude. Michael had no pictures and Frankie knew it, but he couldn’t believe he would go there. And he couldn’t believe Ian and how he was vouching for this user.

As Frankie found his way into his apartment, replaying the events of the night in his head on a horrible loop, he couldn’t help himself as he broke into a sob, collapsing onto his couch. He started twitter venting. He knew it was a bad idea, but he did it anyways. He loved his Grandtourage, he knew they had his back, and he needed their love right now. He had never felt so low.

A few minutes later, after Frankie had accidentally name dropped Zach despite this honestly being about Michael and Ian, his phone rang. His stomach dropped as he saw Zach’s picture. He was going to be in trouble. He had kinda sorta outed him with his last tweet. He actually felt pretty bad. He didn’t want to hurt Zach. He didn’t. He was over that. He just wanted to pain and the hurting to stop. With a deep breath, he accepted the call and waited to be screamed at.

But the screaming never came. “He hurt you.” Zach’s words were a whisper, and Frankie felt them echo through his soul. There was menace, there was heart break in those words. They were powerful and Frankie felt a chill as he tried to answer. What came out instead was a sob. He didn’t want to break down to Zach. He wanted to act strong. To let Zach know he was fine without him. But he wasn’t. He wasn’t fine. He knew that and so did Zach now because he couldn’t stop crying.

“Shhhhh, shhhhh,” Zach soothed. “Shhhhh it’s ok, baby, it’s ok.” The words were fortifying. Frankie felt himself pulled from the ledge and into Zach’s waiting warm arms. Even though he wasn’t there, even though Frankie was curled up on his couch, alone, hugging a pillow, it felt like Zach was there with him and Frankie felt himself relaxing.

“He, He, He used me, Zach. He just wanted me for my fame. I, I I thought he wanted more. I was nothing *sniff* to him.” Frankie got out through the sobs that were raking his chest as he tried to regain normal breathing.

“Did he do anything I need to know about?” Zach asked calmly. “Do I need to break huge jaw of his?” Zach said, the calm slightly betrayed by the menace lying underneath. Frankie gasped a little.

“Zach!” He said.

“Frankie, no. I’m imagining the worst right now so I’m not going to apologize. I need you to tell me everything so I can decide how to react.” And Frankie couldn’t help it. Despite all the tears, despite everything, he smiled. Just a little. But it was enough. He was at his lowest he had ever been, and despite all they had been through, who was there for him in that moment? It was Zach.

Of course it was Zach.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * 

‘We share a bond, were an isotope. It’s a special bond that no one knos about but us its rare and unprecedented nD I wouldn’t change a thing<3’

Frankie stared at the tweet for a few minutes, not knowing if it was real. ‘Are you for real?’ He finally texted Zach. A minute later he got a reply. ‘It’s real Rose.’ And Frankie snorted at the old joke. But he still couldn’t believe it. Not until it happened.

He and Zach had talked for hours last night. It seemed like they had worked it all out. Frankie had been so numb from the overload of emotions and tears, his brain felt swollen, he still didn’t know if half the stuff he thought they’d said had happened at all. Had Zach really promised to try? Had he really told him some story about a diving board and maybe he just needed to jump right in? Frankie was dreaming that, right?

He didn’t know what to think. He was so jumbled and groggy from crying and staying up late and he had a show to do today. It was one of his last. He had to do a good job. How could this all be happening right now? He tried to just put everything out of his mind and he decided to get through this show first. He would deal with Zach afterwards.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Zach stood by the stage door and he felt like he was vibrating he was so nervous. Lauren had agreed to take him to surprise Frankie. She had assured him he would like the surprise. Zach still wasn’t so sure. He had had an amazing talk with him last night. He had wanted to kill that asshole Michael for making Frankie feel that way, but indirectly, what happened with them seemed to be the catalyst he and Frankie had needed and they were finally, maybe, hopefully, back on track.

His hands felt empty without flowers. He should have brought flowers. Why didn’t he bring flowers? The thoughts ran through his head driving him crazy as he waited. Fans were shouting his name but he couldn’t turn to them. Not yet. Not until he knew that Frankie would be ok with this. And then the door was opening and he was there.

And everything in the world was right again. The stars aligned, dark turned to light, grey turned to colour, cold turned to warm. Zach swore the whole world changed in that instant because for the first time in almost two months, he was face to face with the love of his life. He knew that, in this instant, without a doubt in his mind.

The two of them fit together like puzzle pieces. Their hug was deep, and long, neither wanting to let go. “I can’t believe you came.” Frankie whispered in his ear, before letting go.

“I promised I would.” Zach said back. When they finally had to pull apart, Frankie was staring at Zach with wonder in his eyes.

“Are you for real?” He asked, not for the first time, the smile still splitting his face.

“It’s real, Rose.” Zach answered, smirking at their running joke, and there was heat in his eyes. He hoped Frankie could tell. Zach was turnt the fuck up in this moment. His world was aligning and he felt like nothing could bring him down. He felt a wonderful ache in his groin as he looked at Frankie’s face and he knew he was going to do it. He couldn’t help it, he pulled him in for another tight hug, wishing it was more, and he made sure there was pressure that Frankie couldn’t ignore in certain areas.

By the time they were done with the fans and Frankie said they could go back to his place, Zach was practically skipping with jubilation. He couldn’t help it. He had literally never felt this good and he couldn’t contain his excitement. He was done with all the depression. The uncertainty. The self loathing. It was all over now. Because he was going to be with Frankie. He was going to be with him tonight and he knew nothing would ever be the same again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

This had been the best, most passionate make out session that Frankie could ever remember. He had been with a lot of guys, but very few of them had meant anything to him. He usually made out for fun or because he didn’t want to feel like too much of a slut jumping right to sex. But this was different. They were kissing like they would die if they stopped. Zach’s lip became oxygen, his tongue light. Frankie needed both of them.

His hands raked over Zach’s body, cupping his sculpted muscles in his arms and chest before moving down and palming him through his boxers. They had already moved to the bedroom but for some reason, neither could stop kissing the other. Usually by now Frankie had come once or twice and was ready for bed. Right now, he hoped they’d never stop.

When Zach was the first one to impatiently push away Frankie’s briefs, Frankie knew he must be dreaming. Because in what world did Zach push him to move farther, quicker? But he obeyed and kicked off his briefs and watched in admiration as Zach did the same. They spent several minutes worshiping their cut and sculpted bodies. They both really were like works of art. They took turns climbing on top and letting their hands and lips roam.

After a while, both of their hips were rocking and their erections were so hard and leaking they couldn’t contain themselves, Zach took charge again. He turned himself around on the bed and lay next to Frankie, positioning himself to take Frankie’s cock into his mouth, and for Frankie to take his… Frankie lunged forward and worshipped the beautiful circumcised cock of the man he loved. Frankie hoped he’d never see another dick in his life and decided to pour that emotion into his blowjob as he worshipped and sucked. He moaned as he felt Zach do the same to him.

For a few beautiful moments they moaned and writhed in their 69, Frankie was lost in bliss, he definitely would have continued to completion. He had decided not to push Zach tonight. This was enough, if it had to be. For now, at least. It certainly felt heavenly. Maybe he could make it enough forever.

But it turned out he wouldn’t have to. Zach pulled away and with a shy smile he asked where the lube was. Frankie fumbled in his bedside drawer for his lube and a condom. He was a little in shock. Zach had said he would try, but Frankie never thought…

Zach kept his eyes locked on Frankie’s as he lubed up his fingers. “Can you, like, look at me the whole time?” Zach asked shyly and Frankie felt his jaw drop as his cock throbbed. How could this man be so sexy? He was innocent, but not. He was soft, but hard. He was tender and then he was brash. He was an enigma wrapped in a fucking riddle and Frankie had decided he was so here for it. He was living for it. He was everything Frankie needed. He would keep things fresh, he would endlessly surprise Frankie, and Frankie loved it. He kissed Zach deeply before pulling away and nodding.

“Yes, daddy.” Frankie said seductively, earning a huge groan from Zach who stared him deep in the eyes as he worked two fingers inside Frankie at once. Frankie felt his eyes bulge a little and he wanted to roll them back in pleasure, but he kept them open for Zach. He watched as Zach’s eyes dilated and he moaned just watching Frankie coming apart at his touch. And Frankie really was. There was something about knowing that this was Zach, ZACH, doing this to him… it made him writhe against the fingers.

“Fuck, fuck me, Zach. Please.” Frankie begged and Zach growled, pulling his fingers free. “I want this so bad. Do me rough. I deserve it.” Frankie moaned and he gasped as a lance of pain shot up him as Zach slapped his ass sharply, setting himself up against Frankie’s entry from behind and leaning down to bite his ear and whisper.

“I’m going to fuck you hard because you do deserve it. You should have waited for me.” And then Zach wrapped his hands around Frankie’s chest from behind and dragged his fingernails down his chest sharply as he thrust in, causing Frankie to call out in ecstasy. Before continuing, allowing Frankie to get used to it, Zach leaned down and whispered again. “And then you’re going to fuck me all nice and sweet, like *I* deserve.” The words sent a shock down Frankie that went straight to his cock, and Zach kissed him sweetly behind the ear before pulling out almost fully and slamming into Frankie with a force he wasn’t expecting.

Zach was true to his word. He fucked hard and rough, and oh God was it perfect. It was exactly what Frankie needed and he couldn’t believe how well he and Zach were fitting together. Zach was thrusting with total abandon, spanking and scratching his hands over Frankie’s skin. He was going to be covered in scrapes and bruises, a sure fire sign of awesome sex. By the time Zach was loudly coming and he stopped thrusting, Frankie already felt the evening had been perfect. He turned around to cup Zach’s face after he had pulled out, pulling him in for a soft kiss.

Zach looked shell shocked, sated, and elated, all at once. After a moment, Frankie saw his eyes clear and focus on his own. “Wow.” He said, incredulous. Frankie smiled.

“Yeah, wow.” He smirked. Zach smiled shyly.

“I’m sorry if I got a little too rough.” He said, and his cheeks were flushed red. Frankie rolled widened his eyes.

“Are you kidding me? That was maybe the best sex of my life.” Zach laughed once, almost a bark, and he looked at Frankie trying to guague if he was serious.

“Not really though… ?” Frankie smiled.

“Yes really. Because it was with you.” This answer seemed to be enough for Zach, who folded himself up between Frankie’s arm and chest, his head resting on his heart. “You know, we don’t have to do anything else…” Frankie continued, his mind going back to Zach’s earlier words. But he felt Zach shaking his head.

“No. This has to happen tonight. I’m jumping in. I have to. I can’t be afraid anymore.” And his eyes were so wide and doelike and full of fear that Frankie’s heart broke and he pulled him up for a sweet kiss. The kiss didn’t stop, though, and slowly intensified. Before long, Zach was positioning himself and handing the lube to Frankie, a lustful look in his eye.

“Are you sure?” Frankie asked again, toying his finger tip around Zach’s rim, watching him shudder at the touch. He wasn’t going to say no. Frankie could already tell he was loving it too much.

“Totally sure.” Zach said beween shudders, and then finger was inside and he was loving it. Frankie knew he would be a good first for Zach. He would be gentle, he would make it feel wonderful. They spent so much time, slowly working Zach open, that Frankie was sure it would feel good when they were done. He was sure that Zach was ready.

Zach was sure too. He was begging. Rolling his hips uncontrollably. He needed this, and Frankie felt so fucking good about that he could hardly contain his leaking cock. He was desperate to fuck this ass. He had been dreaming about it for month. And he loved this man so deeply, so profoundly, that he knew it was going to be special. Fireworks.

He wasn’t wrong. It was amazing. It was everything. Zach was so tight but so responsive. He keened and rolled beneath him, moaning and groaning with every thrust. When Zach asked why they had waited so long as Frankie was sweetly penetrating him and massaging his ass cheeks, Frankie felt himself glow and he shot closer to completion than he wanted to be. Hearing those words, that Zach was loving it, that this was real, that all the problems in their relationship were fixing themselves in this very moment, Frankie couldn’t control himself any longer.

He came loudly, shouting Zach’s name and Zach shouted Frankie’s in response. The two of them lay coiled together for minutes afterwards, both of their chests rising and falling in time as they came back down to earth together. Finally, it was Zach that spoke first.

“I promise you Frankie. If I knew that was what it was like, we would have done this a lot sooner.” And Frankie couldn’t help it, he laughed. And then Zach laughed, and then they were both laughing. Because all of this, after everything that they had been through, it was suddenly so absurd that it had happened at all. That they ever hadn’t been together. All they could do was laugh.

As the laughter tapered off some moments or minutes later, Frankie found his head now on Zach’s chest, and Zach’s fingers tracing patterns in his back. It was so comforting and familiar, he sighed and melted into him a little further. “We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”

“Yep.” Zach said, agreeing and nodding his head but continuing to draw on Frankie’s back. Frankie pulled up to look at his face for a moment and then smiled and laid he cheek back on his chest.

“We’re an isotope.” He smiled against the skin, kissing it softly. “Whatever that means, you frootloop dingus."

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to leave kudos/comments if you liked it! :) :) :)


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